Dany Saadia’s Top Eleven Benefits of an Influenza Scare

1.- You get to spread rumors, say “Nah, I was just joking” and get away with it.

2.- You get to see what it feels like to have a deadly-sneeze superpower.

3.- You get to appreciate zombie movies.

4.- You get to brag that you know very high-placed government agents, and share their super secret confidential information with everyone.

5.- You get to cover your pimples, bad breath and/or ugliness with masks.

6.- You get to concoct your very own conspiracy theory

7.- You get to blame the government, pharma companies, international health organizations and pigs, all at once.

8.- You get to not give a damn if Oprah has twitter and/or who the hell is @aplusk.

9.- You get to apply for an Illuminati Membership.

10.- You get to unfollow sensationalist, depressive and/or catastrophic twitter friends.

11.- You get to spice an ongoing paranoia and growing psychosis with an earthquake